dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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