Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Your tits are I can't wait for
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
