I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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