Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
