he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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