Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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