i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
