I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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