It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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