so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
