im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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