I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
operation have a gay friend backfired
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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