Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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