I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
