if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
