I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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