he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
