When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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