you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
