living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
