i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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