So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
