I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
