Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
