i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
