Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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