Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
