..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
