dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
