I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
