I just saw a hot homeless man
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
