"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
