apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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