giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
