He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
