i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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