so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
