She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How naked do you want me to be?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
