Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
