If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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