I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
