I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
