HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We have started to decorate penises.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
