the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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