There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
