What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
