It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
