I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
