I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
