She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
