after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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